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01/Feb/2006 | 05:14

TANGENT: Can you imagine if Steve Jobs had to give a State of the Union speech? That would kick so much ass!

posted by bugmuncher at 2:22 AM EST on February 1

Okay, I like that idea. Let's run with it.

I now give you an excerpt from Steve Jobs's State of the Union address.

"Now, we've been doing some amazing, amazing things with the budget, some really great things, and today we're going to add something new to our long-term fiscal planning strategy family. And to introduce it, I'd like to show you a commercial we've been working on. I really love it, and I think you will, too."

A slick commercial plays on the projection screen. The audience eats it up like candy.

"In fact, I think that spot's so good, let's watch it again."

The commercial runs again. Less enthusiasm this time.

"And the best part is that these tax breaks will be available today."

The audience cheers as though they're actually surprised.

"So that's what's new in the State of the Union today. I'd like to thank Phil Schiller from Apple, Dennis Hastert of the House, and Theodore Gray of Wolfram Research for helping us show you guys all the great budget plans and energy initiatives today. This is going to be an insanely great year for America, and we can't wait to show you what else we've got in store.

"Oh, and one more thing . . ."

A map of the Middle East appears on the projection screen. The audience cheers again.

No word on whether or not the next versions of iTunes and the iTunes Music Store will wiretap you.

2 Comments:

DON'T DRINK THE KOOL-AID!!!

(Awesome characterization, Mikey)


I want an iBomb, yesterday.

posted by Heptarch on February 01, 2006 at 05:43

Spot-on. And Steve behind the podium (or would they move the address to the Moscone Center?) would mean black t-shirts wouldn't raise any eyebrows on the Secret Service agents.

posted by emelenjr on February 01, 2006 at 08:19