do not step out
06/Dec/2005 | 22:55

What to say about droll, absurdly comprehensive warranties?

I wonder if the carriers know something about our own government and its future plans that we civilians don't. The shadow groups who occupy unmarked buildings in northern Virginia surely don't use cell phones, opting for secured land lines on private networks, so perhaps the following clause in T-Mobile's warranty coverage packet makes chilling sense here:

1. This insurance does not apply to loss or damage caused directly or indirectly by any of the following:

Time to find a good picture of Che Guevara to put on my phone.


My renter's insurance specifically does NOT cover damage by space craft, nor acts of war, civil war, undeclared war, insurrection, rebellion, or revolution. ... But it doesn't NOT cover Acts of God. Hmm.

posted by Sora on December 06, 2005 at 23:30

someone is reading too far into something.... or something...

posted by clark on December 06, 2005 at 23:30

What if God's DRIVING the spacecraft?

posted by mikey-san on December 06, 2005 at 23:31

Maybe YOU'RE not reading FAR ENOUGH.

Or have they gotten to you already?

posted by mikey-san on December 06, 2005 at 23:32

It's still a spacecraft. XD And it's an insurance company. It wouldn't be covered. Bahaha. But if he were driving, say, a horse and buggy through the sky, it would count. :D

posted by Sora on December 06, 2005 at 23:33

an alien government planted nuclear fullerenes in my uterus. this caused an interstellar war in the horsehead nebula at some point in the distant future. am I exempt from this exclusion?

posted by candy on December 06, 2005 at 23:33

Does it say anything about ghosts? What if the spirit of King Ramses I puts a curse on it? Would it still be covered for repairs in that case? I suppose it would depend on the nature of the curse...

Are acts by god-like beings who aren't technically universally recognized as "gods" considered "acts of god", or does said act have to be performed by the likes of Yahweh, Zeus, or Odin?

What if Winston Niles Rumfoord stomps on your cell phone (or burns down your house, in the case of homeowner's insurance)?

posted by deep hurting on December 06, 2005 at 23:54

deep hurting:

all policies cover your concerns in the "your claim will never be honored" clause.

posted by k.vonnegut on December 07, 2005 at 00:31

Does warlike activity by a military force include when the leader of a street gang comes by and steals your phone? Or a mafia capo in the middle of a gangland war?

posted by pallor on December 07, 2005 at 01:10

I suppose this is a good time to say that this sort of exclusion shouldnt hold up if the cell phone was suddenly found to be unfit for its intended use. You would thus have a UCC violation of warranties, and they would have to replace it. Say, if you said "I'd like this phone so in an emergency, such as a guerilla fight in the Congo, I can get reception and call back to the AP" (leaving jurisdictional matters aside) and the salesclerk said "yes," and then you tried to get the phone replaced and they pointed to this disclaimer, you could wave something else in their face and say no no -- UCC 2A-213 Warranty of Implied Fitness prevails! Hopefully, then you would get a new phone.

Maybe I shouldnt respond to comments past 1am.

posted by pallor on December 07, 2005 at 01:19

The important thing to remember is that warrantees are unamerican. Buying helps the GDP, which helps the economy, which helps president shrub explode the middle east.


posted by clark on December 07, 2005 at 01:23

(the point of that last post was left out)
If your phone breaks, buy another one. Then break it and buy a third. Etc.

posted by clark on December 07, 2005 at 01:24